


Loving you is a losing battle (and I don't want to win)

by Playful_Misery (shotabrocon)



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Childhood, Denial of Feelings, First Kiss, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Moral Dilemmas, Shotacon, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24406453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shotabrocon/pseuds/Playful_Misery
Summary: Wataru is determined to finish his homework. Kenta tries to convince him (and himself) that this is not the way to do it.
Relationships: Matoba Wataru/Satozuka Kenta
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Loving you is a losing battle (and I don't want to win)

**Author's Note:**

> You know I expected Wataru to not want anything to do with Kenta, not this borderline healthy love-hate thing between them, but I'm not complaining
> 
> ANYWAY PLEASE HEED THE TAGS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T READ. Don't waste your time and energy complaining over incest in the comments, I'm begging you to take care of yourselves. Enjoy content you actually like. Make some. Please.
> 
> More warnings:  
> -This is a fic mostly set in the past, when Wataru is in 5th grade of elementary school and Kenta is in 1st grade of middle school  
> -Mature rating refers to Kenta being turned on and slight references to masturbating + implied sexual content after the break
> 
> Once again, if you're uncomfortable with the warnings, no shame in turning away

"Nii-san."

Kenta glances from his homework to his little brother. "Yeah, Wataru?"

"Have you kissed someone?" Yeah, he didn't expect that. Though he supposes that's just how Wataru is, straightforward to a fault. Doesn't matter if the subject in question is surprising or weird or even straight up taboo, Wataru rarely holds his punches. It's cute and endearing and he better stop that train of thought before it goes down the wrong path-

"Um. No?" There was that girl in 3rd grade, but that's just a peck on the cheek. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm trying to write a review on this book, but the part I got has a kiss in it and I don't know how to describe it," Wataru states, lifting his book to view and who the hell thought that was a good book to review in fifth grade!?

Then again, Wataru's quite the genius when it comes to writing. The amount of books he's capable of analyzing critically rivals him, and Kenta is always filled with pride whenever he remembers that fact. Mostly. With a few exceptions, like now. "Just do a quick skim over it. No one would blame you if you do."

Wataru harrumphs in response, which is ridiculously cute but not something Kenta should think about, especially in regards to his little brother. "But I gotta! This essay has to be perfect, or my grades would fall!" He cries out, which, what a dramatic kid.

Kenta sighs, turning around to ruffle the other's hair. "Listen, Wataru," he says solemnly. "Perfect grades aren't everything in life. It doesn't matter if you get a few marks off a perfect score, you can still have a bright future in front of you. All that matters is that you put in the best effort you can offer."

"Says the one who reviews his rapports at least three times before submitting them," Wataru retorts. "Also, stop channeling mom."

"They're words of wisdom, Wataru! And the reviewing is part of my efforts!"

"Well this is part of me trying my best here!"

Kenta sighs. "Wataru, I'll be honest with you, I don't think finding out what a kiss feels like will do much for your essay. Just kind of allude to it, I'm sure your teacher won't mind."

"But-" Wataru starts, but clearly understands that it's useless to argue with his big brother, so he just throws himself onto Kenta's bed to sulk. Which is fine by him, as long as he isn't noisy.

The next few minutes is filled with the rustle of pen on paper.

"Nii-san."

"Hmm?"

"Kiss me."

Kenta promptly chokes on his spit. "What!?"

"Kiss me." Oh god, he doesn't actually think about doing it for his homework, does he- "The kiss is an important scene in the story, and I _need_ to understand the underlying themes." Oh god he does.

"Wataru, you're basically a genius at literature analysis," and he can see Wataru preen a bit at the praise, maybe he can dissuade him from actually going through with whatever he's thinking of doing, "You don't _need_ experience to figure out the deeper meanings of the story."

Wataru huffs like he thinks Kenta is being stupid, which he probably does, even though he's the one being stupid (and Kenta tries to ignore the small part of him that tells him _you can be stupid together_ ). "I guess," he starts, "but knowing how it felt like would help me make it more _authentic_ , you know?"

"If you're so insistent, why not ask one of your friends? I'm sure at least _one_ of them would be willing to help."

"They won't!" Wataru exclaims, eyes blazing. "They either have someone else or something to do right now or just plain don't wanna!" And then he turns away, mumbling something as his cheeks turn slightly pink. Kenta had to take deep breaths to get his mind under control.

"What was that?"

"I said," Wataru grits out, "I don't wanna do those things with them, anyway. You... You're the only one I trust."

Kenta tries his best to not swear, but _fuck_. How is he supposed to resist him? "That's--but--we're _brothers_ ," he sputters. It's a last ditch effort, and they both know it. "Brothers… don't kiss. Like that."

Wataru just gazes at him from under his eyelashes and does he even know what he's doing? "Nii-san, please," he murmurs, voice soft and innocent.

Kenta knows he's fighting a losing battle. Deep down, he's not even sure he wants to win.

"Okay, okay, fine," he relents, climbing off his chair. "Just once, okay? And don't tell anyone. At all. Not even mom and dad. Not even your closest friend."

Wataru perks up. "Got it. It's a secret. Something only between the two of us," he says, smiling softly. _How is he this cute_.

For a moment Kenta just settles in front of Wataru, unsure. And then Wataru climbs on his lap, and there's hands on his face, and then Wataru's smushing their faces together. Which is mildly unpleasant. "Hey, hold on," Kenta gets out, holding Wataru's face in his hands, tilting his own just enough so their noses don't bump to each other. "Like this," he murmurs, closing the distance between them once again.

For a moment, they stay like that, just mouths pressing against each other. Kenta tries to remember what little knowledge on kissing he gets from sneaking looks when their parents aren't looking. He slightly moves his lips, pressing slightly more against Wataru. The little whine he gets in response effectively shuts down his common sense, all caution is thrown to the wind, and the world doesn't exist except for Kenta and Wataru and this feeling between them.

Kenta experimentally prods his tongue against Wataru's lips and is elated when they part, eagerly licking into his younger brother's mouth. It's so _hot_ inside, and Kenta is boiling as he coaxes the other's tongue in a messy dance, gasps filling the room as he pulls Wataru impossibly close. He can't think clearly, everything is heat and sensations, it's too much and not enough and he needs Wataru like he needs air. His heart is thundering in his ears and he doesn't know if it's his or the other's, and what difference it makes because they're so close he doesn't know where he ends and Wataru begins. This feels _right_ , like this is how they should be, intertwined together tightly, never to be seperated. It isn't until the other lets out a particularly desperate moan that shoots down his spine, grinding his crotch against Kenta's hip that he suddenly snaps back to reality, pushing against his brother's shoulder as the weight of what he's doing crushes him _hard_.

Wataru's eyes are wide and glazed over, cheeks a deep red, stuck in a daze and Kenta _hates_ how the view goes straight to his dick, harder than he's ever been in his life (Which isn't much, but it's the sentiment that counts.).

Kenta forces himself to stand up and close his activity book. "Okay, I'm done here."

Wataru snaps back from his reverie. "Wait, nii-san-"

"I said once is enough. No more." And he hightails out of there, away from his room, from Wataru and whatever the hell just happened.

He finds himself in the bathroom, scalding hot water running down his back as he furiously ruts against his palm, mind full of Wataru and hoping that he's out of his room once he's done because he doesn't think he can take looking at him anymore.

That's his brother, what was he thinking!? He should've tried harder to deny him! He shouldn't have taken advantage of him like that! He's a horrible brother who can't keep his feelings in check, and now he's stained the single most important person in his life!

The berating continues as he finishes, and it continues as he makes the trek back to his (thankfully empty) room. Kenta miserably drops onto his bed. He can still smell Wataru on his pillow. _Damnit._

_It's okay,_ he tries to comfort himself. _Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. This is just a phase. Soon enough you'll only see him as an annoying little brother you love in a brotherly way anyway and you'll both laugh at this memory. It'll change. You'll grow out of this._

He can only hope he's right.

* * *

He was wrong.

Wataru's only grown more beautiful through the years they're apart, and his heart aches more than ever. His lovely little brother, whose entire being he still wants, who he still longs for every night-

"Nii-san."

It's said in a hushed whisper, by lips inches from his own. "You don't have to hold back for my sake. Not anymore."

Kenta gazes into eyes so similar to his own, but simultaneously so much brighter. He can still feel the tingling on his lips where Wataru's were just minutes ago. It's like nothing's changed. It's like everything's changed.

_You've grown a lot, haven't you, Wataru_.

He leaves his doubts behind, pulling Wataru close once again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions for the tags please tell me I have no idea how to tag this thing
> 
> EDIT: Holy shit youre reading this fic? Right now? Respect  
> Anyway congratulations now you know that the person who wrote KenWata/WataKen is not your dearly detested AAnon. Sorry to disappoint but there are more people who use the anonymous collection to write shit than you realize 💔  
> If you're interested in talking about problematic AAside content in general then check out aasideaanonserver.carrd.co for more info!


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